Limbo - the realm of uncertainty. My current address.
As I remember correctly, this is not the first time that I am placed in a situation where I must wait. And for each time, I always fail to remain calm and keep the faith. I always struggle to do something. I always wrestle to let my limited understanding rule my whole system and in the process sulk into long winding road of agonies. I was never still.
“Be still, and know that I am God...” - Psalm 46:10
Struggle is real. I remember having to go back into prayers, bible verses and worship songs to keep me sane. For a moment it would calm the squall inside of me and in another the storm is surging so strongly. I was only able to distract myself from contemplating it over and over again, but I remained to be that troubled person. Nonetheless, I was able to rest my turbulent heart without me noticing it.
“But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.” - Psalm 131:2
Maybe, what I really want to share with you is the fact that I am blessed beyond words. I have seen my prayers being answered right in front of me and yet I have the audacity to feel zero confidence to the one giving it all to me. And I feel sorry for myself. This is simply self-inflicted. The pain that I feel is my own doing. My unbelief is piercing not just my peace but my faith as well.
“Teach me, and I will be silent; make me understand how I have gone astray.” - Job 6:24
In my heart of heart I know that God is our refuge. I may not understand fully but enough that I know my God is not the author of fear and confusion. Instead, in His divinity and holiness He is my solid comforter and the perfecter of my faith. For where there is struggle, there is breakthrough in Christ Jesus.