WARNING: This article has no content nor particular aim. It is just an expression of what I have in mind at the moment.

Staring blank to the monitor for few hours now. I just decided to listen to some worship songs to amplify my ears with ‘better’ sound other than the noise of worries echoing my head.

I have long realised that I am not the type of person who would settle for less, no matter what. I care not how hard things may become, all I care for is to find my way to the things that I want in life. For that, I am fearless. Though, I’d have to say, if you ever be in the same situation as I am, STOP, THINK, and THINK again. I am a tough person. The kind of person I needed myself to be and it ain’t easy.

At the moment, I am wondering what life awaits me after I resigned from the blue-collar work I barely started some months back. I thought that job wasn’t for me. I have always been a white-collar worker and I thought I am at my best doing jobs that use creativity, communication, and critical thinking. I thought that I couldn’t throw away the career I’ve built for myself for the last ten years. I truly, simply, really can’t. I am fighting for my way back to the job I have invested time, efforts, and shame all this time. I am keeping the faith that it will be given back to me. After all, I have loved and is loving my profession.

Although, moments like this redefine and reassess our plans and purposes in life. I surely am not the same person as I was a year ago. Funny how things have turned and changed in my life. I described it as ‘funny’ because I am not sure if I am a better version of me. Judging from my own perspective, I became worse. But in many other aspects and prospects of life, I have become better. I’ve learned and done things I never have done before. I made some blissful or sinful, if need to be, moments that added to defining the person that I am today. I sure have grabbed the opportunities I’ve met along the way. And it all made me understand ‘me’.

Being a freelancer, makes you ask ‘What will you do today?’. And the answer is not always looking good but I have decided, there is no turning back. I will crawl each day to find the next job-adventure God has in store for me. I am just really praying for wisdom. I am trusting that my feet will be guided to where it truly belong.

So I say, thank you. Thanks to all the things that made me realised the people and things I value in my life. For bringing me back to the ambitious me, for making me believe that dreams do come true and that it will be alright. Thank you, next chapter is now unfolding.

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